I do a music therapy group for incarcerated youth. In that group we do an exercise called The History of Me, where we chart out our lives and look for purpose all along the way. We have to confront some very ugly things on this timeline, as well the beautiful. This song is my own personal History of Me. One of the youth from a recent group recorded the hook for me in facility, then paroled. We lost touch after a few weeks. I learned later that he ran from police and was killed in a shootout. I went into the studio that night and did my verses through tears. Unfortunately, the quality of his chorus was bad and I had to re-record it myself, but his heart is still all throughout the song. It was always a vision of mine to score a song with a full or chamber orchestra. S1 was gracious enough to let me do this on his beat. We wrote the lyrics and music from my heart, and tried our best to make the strings, piano, timpani, harp sing. This is my soul to metronome; mine and every youth I’ve ever served. R.I.P. Christian, this is for you.
Sovereignty… what a complex thing. How can a loving God let such ugly things happen to people? Happen to me? Throughout the experiences of life, we find purpose… hope. Romans 5 says hope does not disappoint us, because the God of the universe loves us, personally. Hindsight is often 20/20 and in this case, that’s ok. Looking back and looking forward, we find purpose.
lyrics
Chorus:
It’s the history of me – an exquisite tragedy, open up my heart and tell me what you see,
Purpose in my pain – innocence to victory, beautiful again – it’s the history of me.
(Repeat 1x)
Verse 1:
Write it on paper - score it in a song - sing my melody,
Awesome through the pain - innocence to victory,
Splash it on a canvas - or shape the greatest artifact,-
Perspective in my rearview,- I am on the right track,
Top of shoulder - lookin back, I finally overstand,
It was all part of the plan, make me a man,- so I,
Made it product so not only would you hear me but the voices of the young unseen,- ya mean,
Better still - ya understand? Instill it like a brand, old stories - young man, if I made it then you can,
Where u been? where u goin? does it all make sense?
I can tell you firsthand yes it can or no it can't,
It’s up you and what view you're looking through,
Cause this life is real funny - you need 1 to get to 2,
Just like you need me to get to you,
So when you hear it - know it's truth.
(Chorus 2x)
Verse 2:
Time line it, stretch it out across my years seen,
Pick up the pieces and tell me what it all means,
Come together build a bridge start a family,
We got a future - but first you got a history - see,
Every stage - watch me bleed - hear me sing,
Hold my tune till return of the king, oh yes I will,
With very little crowd appeal,-
But on the streets folks know that its real – turn the lights down,
Age 8 I saw my future in the skies - no lie, but the prize on the other side,
People only knew what they could see - get wise,
A whole lot of pressure so I'm hiding in disguise –
Behind,- thick glasses but then that thug break out soon,
Calm before the storm - it's a monsoon - smoke plume,
2 different people but my name is the same,
Pour water on my own flame - my own blame – I know,
The friction inside's startin to burn,
Gotta satisfy my yearn cause the tables now turned,
So ain't no shame in my game - I've learned,
Respect is commanded but my purpose is earned,
Chasing curves - switching skirts everyday,
But I’ll let 'em all go cause destiny is my baby,
And she whispered in my ear just wait,
It’ll all make sense soon after the break - just live,
But what I wouldn't give for 1 more week,
Seems like the good take steps but the bad take leaps,
Let’s go the distance - the pain can't be in vain,
Or at least that's what the strings say... its the history of me.
(Breakdown)
(Chorus 1x)
credits
from MAGNIFICENT,
released September 10, 2013
History Of Me
L. Brown
Steady Pro Music (ASCAP)
Prod. Symbolic One – S1 (Vohndee’s Soul Music Pub/Roc Nation Music (ASCAP)) and Proxy (Steady Pro Music)
Ad Vocals: Kirk Brown and Kells Goodwin
Strings: Kailin Yong, Timpani and Percussion: Mark Foster, Classical Piano: Tim Martersteck, Harp: Rachel Ellins Iozzia
Vigilant Studios and Derry Berry Audio
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